Obedience

Tonight, Ezra, you climbed on top of the (closed) toilet seat twice. I took you off both times and told you not to climb up again.

The second time I told you that you would get a time out if you didn't obey me. You merrily made a beeline to the bathroom anyway, and I stopped you and told you to obey me. Of course, Isaac started crying just then (you two! one of you always need Daddy or I most just when we're occupied with your brother!) and in the moment I was distracted, picking him up, you started off for the bathroom again. Daddy called to you, "remember what Mommy said! you need to obey!" and you started walking veeerrrryyy slowly back through the bedroom, to us.

You clamped your hands over your ears, acting as if you couldn't hear us. You had the biggest frown on your face and your chin was firmly planted on your chest, in disapproval. You kept walking towards me, as slow as I've ever seen you move. And then you plopped down right in front of me and said "I'm too little. And it's too dark." You often tell us that you're "too little" when you don't want to do something, but I'd never heard your "too dark" excuse. That's quite creative.

Oh, Ezra, it breaks my heart when you're defiant. You're so strong-willed sometimes. You want your own way, on your own timeline, so many times a day. Just like me.

But you're slowly learning to obey. I was so proud of you tonight. You didn't obey immediately or cheerfully, but you were obviously weighing the consequences and struggling to make the correct decision.

You've obeyed and disobeyed before, obviously. And it's not as if your exaggerated display of reluctant obedience is even really acceptable. But on a day like today where obedience has been such an issue for you, small victories are encouraging. And, of course, I can relate all too well to your reluctance to obey.

Cutting Down a Christmas Tree!

We were kind of late to get a tree this year! Usually we try for the weekend after Thanksgiving, but Seth's parents were here then and we didn't make it happen.

This year we went to the Double 4 Tree Farm with my family (sans Hannah and Ruth), but only watched as they cut down a tree. We wanted a short tree this year so we could put it up on a table to keep it out of Isaac's reach, and Double 4 didn't have any short trees. So Seth went and found us a short tree from a lot later. So we got the experience of cutting down a tree and tried to replicate one of my favorite photos of Ezra with Isaac.

Then we went back to my parents' house and Jack cuddled with Ezra and we watched football.

Toilet Training

Well, I decided I've had enough of diapers. For Ezra, that is. I'm not about to start elimination communication with Isaac!

It has seemed very clear to me over these last few weeks that Ezra can indeed control his bodily functions, but just doesn't want to give up diapers. Now, for months he's been able to identify what his body needs to do, usually with plenty of notice to get to the bathroom. And I probably pushed a little too hard a few months ago when he first showed interest (and I wasn't hugely pregnant! because he was most interested last February but I squelched that quickly because I was having a hard enough time moving on my own, let alone racing a heavy toddler to the toilet and squatting next to him!). And I, um, dropped him in the toilet and thoroughly traumatized him. I didn't mean to! I just lost my grip and he slipped in.

If he hadn't shown any signs of readiness I wouldn't have pushed him I know he's only two and a half years old. Most literature recommends waiting until a boy is three years old to try any sort of toilet training. But I as convinced he was ready.

Throughout the end of October and early November we tried just about every bribe - special foods and M&Ms and sticker charts, but nothing was appealing enough.

Last Monday morning (Veteran's Day, actually), I decided to put him in underwear give it a try. But it only took an hour or two before I realized I couldn't deal with a rebellious, determined Ezra and a needy Isaac at the same time. Of course I was nursing Isaac at the very moment Ezra needed to use the toilet. I practically tossed Isaac to the ground, but Ezra screamed and screamed and I couldn't even get him to the toilet before he (defiantly?) wet his pants. With two kids screaming at the same time I just gave up and put a diaper on Ezra.

It bothered me all week, though, because Ezra seemed so ready, but also said the most defiant things about never using the toilet. The handful of times I'd tried to set him on the toilet throughout the end of October/early November, he'd hold himself and tell me he'd never ever pee. And he wouldn't until I put him back in a diaper. September had been such a battle of wills, and then October had been such a peaceful month that I both didn't want to spoil our relative peace. And yet, I was rejuvenated enough for another battle. We even splurged on Thomas the Train underwear!

Maybe seeing his younger brother wear underwear will be extra incentive?

Seth had this Monday off, though, so I convinced him to devote the day to helping me help Ezra. He was skeptical because he thought it might be too early, but we agreed that if, after two days, Ezra still wouldn't/couldn't show any progress we'd give it up for another month.

So we just took away diapers from Ezra. He held it for eight hours and screamed and raged whenever we tried to put him on the toilet. When Isaac finally went down for his afternoon nap, Seth went out to run errands. I was sitting on the couch with Ezra, reading to him and he started to pee. My goodness, he'd held it long enough! We ran into the bathroom and as soon as I held him on the toilet, he stopped!?!! I knew, however, that he had to go, since he'd been holding it for so long, so I just held him on the toilet. He screamed and screamed until his face was so red. I felt terrible! It seemed like an hour of agony, but it probably was only five minutes. Ezra had started to calm down, so I just took him off the toilet and, sitting right there in front of the toilet, I just held him.

He wasn't ready. He was so young and I was forcing him to do something he wasn't interested in or able to do, just because I was sick of changing his diapers. I felt so guilty and selfish as I cuddled Ezra. But then I felt this warm sensation in my lap...

I didn't feel quite so charitable as I hurriedly put Ezra right back on the toilet! But as soon as he was back on the toilet he stopped peeing! I held him on, however, as he screamed and thrashed again. After a few (very long!) minutes I took him off and held him again... but he started peeing on me again! Thankfully, though, when I put him on the toilet again he finally used it, instead of me, to finish up.

Success!

That entire episode solidified my conviction that Ezra really could control his bladder and was really being defiant in his refusal to use the toilet. Seth got home a little bit later and we made a big deal about Ezra's success and Ezra tried to pretend like he was indifferent to our rejoicing.

But then I had to go teach piano lessons, so I left Seth with both boys and Ezra still in underwear. And!! when I returned home? Ezra had even pooped in the toilet!!!

Now we're on day three with a decent measure of success. I anticipate it's going to stick this time, if we're consistent. I know he's capable. His accidents thus far have mostly been when I'm not paying close enough attention to his signs or when I'm nursing Isaac. But he has looked me right in the eye and announced his intention to pee in his underwear and then done so. We'll see how it goes! If, after at least a week, this doesn't stick we will happily go back to diapers. I don't want this to set Ezra up for failure or frustrate him. But we're giving it a try!

Friday Update #44 (11/1/13)

Seth was gone most of this week in Florida. The boys and I did ok. They mostly cooperated and we did try to get out and about bit to break things up.

My dad watched the boys for a couple of hours so I could drive up and pick Seth up on Wednesday. We grabbed lunch and chatted about his trip, since we hardly talked while he was gone, and then reunited our poor fatherless children with their father. Ezra was really glad to see Seth (yay!) but Isaac wasn't! We completely expected the opposite. After a few more days we'll have  better idea, I'm sure (and I fully recognize Isaac is just a baby!) but Isaac seems to have switched his alliance to me. He was firmly a Daddy's boy before Seth's trip. He was always most excited to see Seth and Seth always could soothe Isaac the best, but now...

We've never really celebrated Halloween and this year wasn't much of an exception. We got some candy, just for us (we never get trick or treaters). Church had a Reformation celebration and set up booths with activities and candy, but it's always so text-heavy that even the older kids seem to struggle. Ezra had no patience for the long explanations so we tried to make a wordless necklace (apparently Charles Spurgeon was the first to use red/white/black beads as a visual for the gospel?) and then he played with the foam swords that were out for the kids.

Yvonne surprised Jim with a trip to Ocean Shores for his birthday and on their way home they stopped to visit for the evening.

"Pumpkin Maze!"

Ezra has become enjoyable company again. Even if we go somewhere! And he realized (again) that he does in fact love his father. Add in the fact that Seth is soon leaving for a week and I really wanted us to try to get in a family date before his trip.

All month long Facebook has been full of people's pumpkin patch adventures, and, gradually the idea grew on me enough to suggest it to Seth. We might have gone to a corn maze in high school? but we couldn't really remember. Besides that, I'm pretty sure I've never gone to a corn maze and I just didn't think it would be all that much fun (especially because of what I thought was all.the.hype).

We're also not sure what we think in regards to Halloween/fall festival, etc., celebrations. I grew up with Reformation Day/Reformers celebrations being the focus of October and Seth grew up with parents very, very opposed to anything Halloween-ish (like pumpkin carving). And in general, we don't really make a big deal out of holidays and such.

Does that paint the picture? We were pretty skeptical.

But when Seth's job got cancelled last minute (11pm the night before!?!) we decided to make Friday our family day.

The boys woke us all up by 7am (lovely, right? except this morning they woke us up at 5:30am). Seth was going to go to a coffee shop to work on the computer in peace, but Ezra freaked out when Seth started walking out the door, grabbing at his bag and trying to pull him back into the house. (!?!?) So Seth stayed, hiding away in the bedroom to make phone calls... but it wasn't too long before Ezra slipped in there as I was distracted by Isaac.

I heard them talking, but assumed Ezra would pop back out again in a few seconds. But he didn't... and he didn't... When I finally got curious and peaked in, they were cuddled up on the bed watching Curious George on the laptop! So adorable. I love it when Ezra deigns to cuddle with Seth.

After cuddle time was over, Seth dictated e-mails to me and I washed dishes and packed our bags and made lunch... and then off we went to Maris Farms!

It's rather a long drive, I suppose. I always pretend like it isn't, since I want to justify driving so far for piano lessons, but it was a good 45 minutes from our house. Ezra did look sleepy towards the end, so we ate pumpkin cookies and potato chips (nutritious!) and sang "What Does the Fox Say?" to keep him awake.

And then we arrived. There's an episode of Curious George where George goes through a corn maze (which Ezra talked about on the drive out there), so he totally knew what to expect. Of course, he also got very distracted...

He bee-lined to the tractor and wanted to drive it.

But then we found the sheep and goats! And even bought a quarter's worth of feed out of the dispenser (which he's very interested in, thanks to Uncle David's recent  of a candy machine in my parents' living room...

We took a ride, sitting on hale bales in a trailer pulled by a big orange tractor.

We admired pumpkins and stomped in thick mud.

We enjoyed all of the activities in their play area, including tunnels and spider webs and bouncy houses.

And we also walked through the corn maze, but we didn't take photos of it, I guess. We definitely, definitely got our $10 worth. It was a fantastic family date.