Visiting Ana's Grave

Last May Ezra noticed the white popsicle sticks stuck in the ground at a local high school (a tribute to Arlington Cemetery, in honor of Memorial Day) and started asked question after question about them. He had already been asking questions about Ana and Mimi and it became obvious that we needed to explain death to him. We were apprehensive about his understanding, but as with every other topic, we were just honest with him and answered his questions, letting him direct most of the conversation. In the year that has followed, he has talked about them and the more general subject of death, frequently and seems to have a

We didn't purposely avoid taking him to Ana's gravesite, but neither did we offer. He loves to hear stories about her and talks about her often. Half of the time her photo is missing from our wall because he's reached up and pulled it off so he can look at it closely. He asks Seth questions about her often and remembers every word Seth tells him. Lately he's been missing her especially, and has asked to see additional photos and hear even more stories.

On Monday night, after the last TBS baseball game, we were driving to meet up with one of Seth's workers to pay him and Ezra just asked if we could go see Ana's grave. It seemed completely random, to us, but in retrospect, he's been missing her quite a bit, as I just wrote. It was already 5ish pm, so I assumed Seth would say we'd have to go a different day, but he said ok! The gas station where we met his worker had so many California poppies, so I jumped out an picked a few handfuls as per Ezra's request (I'm still not sure if he actually knew it's a custom to leave flowers on graves or if he just wanted to take his grandma pretty flowers). We grabbed Chick-a-fila, to see what all the hype was about, and headed east.

The cemetery was completely empty the whole time we were there and we quickly found her gravesite. Ezra then spent about an hour arranging flowers (including the fake roses that were already at her grave) while Isaac alternated watching Ezra and running along the edges of the graveyard. Isaac hardly understands familial relationships, so despite the many times as Ezra has told him "Ana is Daddy's mommy" I don't think he really understands.

Ezra didn't talk very much, which is of course a rarity, and we tried to give him lots of space.

It was a really sweet evening, although it was especially hard for Seth. He misses his mom for many reasons, of course, but the thing that's probably hardest for him is that she never got to meet Ezra and Isaac. But, as Ezra often says, someday we will get to see her in heaven!