God is Still Sovereign

This week Ezra had two HUGE tantrums when he realized he had to obey us and put on real clothes and sit in his carseat and go where we wanted to go (BSF, which he loved last week, and to the fair, which we know he will love - terrible destinations, right?).

As it turned out, we didn't go to either. And as difficult as it was to parent Ezra in the moment, it's been harder to deal with our feelings of inadequacy and uncertainty in the aftermath.

I felt discouraged that my little two year old "won" both battles (by screaming just long enough on Wednesday that we were too late to get to BSF on time and by screaming himself to sleep on the way to the fair today).

Of course, because Ezra took a nap today he's still awake now, past midnight. We're laying in bed together watching Curious George in one open browser window and in another I'm reading various articles from my Feedly. Seth left for work this morning at 4:30 and leaves tomorrow morning at 6, so it's important that I contain Ezra and keep him quiet so Seth can sleep. But even laying here, cuddling, I'm frustrated that two whole years later we still don't have a handle on Ezra's sleeping habits and that this! TV! is our coping mechanism for nights like this, because nothing else works.

All of that background information wasn't supposed to fill up so much space, oops. But! I guess it sets the tone?

Our church recently experienced great tragedy and perhaps because of that I clicked on this article, about shepherding a congregation through tragedy. And I'm glad I did, because I was very encouraged by this short "truth hammered home":

As inadequate as I may feel, still, God is using my gifts, strengths, and even weaknesses to accomplish His plan.

* * * * *

I, of course, hadn't even finished copying and pasting that quotation before I had to remind myself of its truth: God is still sovereign, even over bossy two year olds! 

Ezra flipped out because an episode of George started that he didn't like. Then, when I chastised him, he told me to stop talking. That of course was unacceptable and I disciplined him, but then he took off his diaper and started kicking off the blanket. My attempts to put a new diaper on him and tell him to speak kindly only antagonized him and ever so quickly he woke up Seth and Isaac!

Isaac just needed a reassuring pat on the back, but Seth wanted to step in to discipline Ezra. However, their relationship is so fraught, I really try to use Seth as little as possible to be the "heavy hand" to back me up. Of course, Seth stayed awake throughout the following 15 minutes of the discipline process (Ezra can be very stubborn!).

Thankfully, however, once he'd apologized and "allowed" me to put a new diaper on him, he also "allowed" me to put him to bed and he fell asleep shortly thereafter. Now I just can't sleep.

But I know that these trials are molding and shaping Ezra's little heart and mine too. It's just really painful at times. In part because it often means sleep deprivation and in part (of course! most of all!) because I hate to see such defiance in my sweet little boy.